Hmmm.. The weathers nice

Hey, just an update, everythings good, i'm a little drunk right now so talk to ya later.

LIKE OMG!!! SERIOISLY I FOUND LOVE!!!!! AND NO NOT TO A HUMAN BEING, AND NO NOT AN ANIMAL.. AND NO.. NOT YOU... (FREAK) INSTANT STAR!! OR "IS" as everbody calls it.... it seriously rocks my world.. and no im not on here to get my props so I could like you know.. download the episodes?? but I NEED IT!! AND WANT AND ITS WHAT I FLIPPING WAKE UP FOR!! IT WHAT GIVES ME THE PUSH TO PUSH THROUGH WORK!!!! OOOO AND UM!!! THANKS MADDIE!! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!!

OMG!! the past couple of days have sucked!!! I have been really sick but I feel all better today.. and I filled out my ap for CC today.. so Im excited about that... I also talked to maddie.. and cleaned the living room and moved everything around since we got some new furniture.. and my mom helped jason and me out with rent this month thank God.. but hey she is miss money bags!! and thanks for all the comments.. sry I dont have much to Write about.. OO this is to someone that I hate

Ok.. so Jason and me ... Still on a lil edge... but everyone else is falling apart.. Sarah and me went up and down this weekend.. had a long convo with my sister carrie about her life, and tried to give her the best advice I could.. and I miss talking to her like that.. I miss being with her, and being brother and sister.. instead of this see you once a month shit..and collette and me dont really talk.. and my mom just called me just to see how I was doing.. that means a lot to me.. she wants to know how im doing and she thinks going one day with out talking is a long time.. I love my mom... I love Jason.. and I prayed last night for God to direct me in the direction I should go with him.. and I hope it leads to happiness... I dont want to live like this.. I just dont like being lied to.. and carrie is going through the same thing with randy and so it helps that someone close to me is going through the same exact thing.. Ive tried everything with jason to make this work, but it wont if im the only one working.. and I hope he is stepping up.. I mean..its like one day he's trying and then next he's not.. and I know he has made some serious sacrafices for me.. and I have done the same.. but I feel like Im doing more than he is.. and feel like im getting the short straw everytime..
things im thankful for
Maddie and me hanging out again
my cat sassy knowing how to pick my spirts up
my moms phone call
cigarettes
jasons good days
the talk with carrie
sarah and me making up
..................................
things that suck
my flat tire on my car
jasons bad days
the fights between sarah and me
the space between my family
my cat meowing for no reason...
have a good night to all
I love you jason
I love you MAddie
I love you Sarah
I love you mom
I love you carrie
I love you Collette
I love you sassy..

Ok so im really worried about my older sister.. shes 28 and she had an accident where she cut the tip of her ring finger off at work... but it looks better than the doctor told her was going to.. i mean shes getting her nails done again and everything.. it looks normal now.. it happened 5 months ago, but shes freaking out about something.. shes drinking almost every night and on pills everytime i see her.. and shes behind on all of her bills.. and normal she struggles with paying the bills but not like this..Her dad had a history with drinking, so im worried that shes getting stuck with it.. shes the brains of the family, and she could go so far if she pushed herself but for some reason she wont.. I havent tried talking to her, but shes the one that im closes with and I have already ruined some of that, and I dont want to ruin anymore, but everyone had tried talking to her and they get no where and im scared that I might blow up at her, and thats the last thing she needs at the moment, but she needs something.. I mean shes in counsiling..but I guess thats not helping.. i mean I understand losing part of your body would be a big problem and hard to deal with, but when you can hardly notice it..then what..

I know this really isn't you
I Know Yor Heart Is Somewhere Else
And I'll Do Anything I Can
To Help You Break Out Of This Spell
I See You Following your Crowd
I Know You're Trying To Fit In
But If Your Gonna Find Yourself
You Gotta Start From Deep, Deep Thin

Hold On To What You Beleive

[Chorus]
I Will Always Be Your Friend
I Know Who You Are Inside
I Am With You Till The End
Never Far Behind
I am standing in the distance
You can take your time
And I will be there waiting
Never Far Behind
Yeah
Never Far Behind

I Am Sending You A Message
Don't ever Think That It's Too Late
When You Care About Someone
There is always room for change
you're allowed to make mistakes
it's a part of every life
I Don't See You Every Different
The Truth Is Shining In Your Eyes

Hold On To What You Beleive

[Chorus]
I Will Always Be Your Friend
I Know Who You Are Inside
I Am With You Till The End
Never Far Behind
I am standing in the distance
You can take your time
and I will be there waiting
Never Far Behind
Yeah
Never Far Behind

You Can Take Your Time
And I Know
From My Heart

I Will Always Be Your Friend
I Know Who You Are Inside
I Am With You Till The End
Never Far Behind
I am standing in the distance
You can take your time
and I will be here waiting
Waiting by my side
God
Is Never Far Behind

I Am Sending you a message

Ok so the past couple of entrys have been very sweet and talking about how I dont think im good enough for jason, and how much I love him and how much I need him.. well today Jason proved something to me.. and no.. its not a positve thing.. he proved to me that im not good enough for him, he proved that I cant trust him, and I dont even know if I can look in his eyes anymore and see love...and u know whats funny about this all... its about the porn, internet, and jacking off..how stupid is that..

Hey guys,
Ok so yesterday was a BAD DAY!!! around 4:30 I got a call from my mom saying my sister was in the hospital.. so I went there and turns out that she cut her ring finger from the first nuckle up off.. I got to see it, but I didnt get to see the finger that was in a cup, so finally the out come of it is that they cant attach it back on, so they had to take skin from the finger in the cup off and put on what was left of her finger.. but she did on a paper shredder! eww ... but I feel really bad for her becuase she needs all her fingers.. she isnt taking it so bad but thats because shes on a shit load of drugs.. but yea.. so then Jason and to bring me to her work and we ended up going 30 mins in the wrong direction so then we had to turn around and then he took me to the haunt.. that was the only good part about yesterday,, ooooo and he stayed the night
but ill get going..
ttyl
Roger

Hey guys!! so tonight is my first night sleeping alone, I mean not just with out Jason, but no one else home with me!! im kinda scared!! lol.. actually im not scared, I just miss Jason already! but tonight I made Jason dinner, meat loaf, corn, patatos,salad, it was good.. yummu, then went to go see my sister at her pool league, then came back home, then we went to discussions, then came back home, and I gave Jason a massage with candles, and warm oil.. and now he went home .. but!! he is suppose (trying) to stay the night tomorrow so that will be good!! and Sarah and me hardly talked today.. so I guess she doesnt really miss me ... but im going to get goin. im goin to watch the OC!!

I love Jason

I love our aparment

I love Sarah

I love Jason

PS!! IM GETTING A KITTY ON SATURDAY!! IM GOING TO TRY TO GET A ORANGE ONE SO I CAN NAME IT PUMPKIN!!! or if I cant get that color then Im going to name it RJ or JR for Roger Jason, or Jason Roger, OR RJ JR for Roger Jason Jason Roger... lol.. Hey BACK OFF WE ARE IN LOVE!! DONT LAUGH!!

but im going to get going

Miss you all in F2!!




Public - 12:02 AM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it

Wednesday, October 12, 2005



Hey guys.. its wednesday!! and guess what! I have the best boyfriend ever!! yesterday was our one month! so on the 11th, and we got an apartment together! on the 11th, and guess what apartment number it is? number 11!!! isnt that crazy!! I love it, and im all moved in. and today we went to get some food because we didnt have any!! but im going to make Jason a nice dinner tonight!! but im going to get going because I have to scrub the floor, its really dirty!!

bye

I love you Jason!

I miss you Sarah, Sam, Kristen, Shahara

Roger

"True love is when you have to watch a friend leave,
with the knowledge that you might never see him again.
But you know he'll be in your mind and heart forever..."

***************************************************************************
"The moment I looked in your eyes I fell in love. Every time I look I fall in love again. I've looked so many times, and have gathered so much love. I have so much to carry with me I don't know what to do"
**************************************************************************************************
"When I First Saw You I Was Afraid To Talk To You,
When I First Talked To You I Was Afraid To Like You,
When I First Liked You I Was Afraid To Love You,
Now That I Love You I'm Afraid To Lose You
****************************************************************************************************




Public - 5:29 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it

hey guys.. Jason just left again.. ... last night we got in a little fight.. but it was over something stupid.. but hey it will make us stronger, but I spent the night at his house last night.. it was fun.. we tried something new it was kinda hot! but before we went over to his house he had to work so I was here with Carebear and sam, amy,and cory, didnt do all that much then jason came and sarah taught us this drinking game.. it was fun.. then we went to stake and shake then meijer to get apple cider!! mmmmmm.... but man.. I love him.. and today I plucked his eyebrows... fun fun... lol.... OOOO and he brought me another rose last night ....*sigh* he is so perfect!! man what is up with me and little faces today..brb.............k im back.. i needed to eat a carmel apple that Jason got me... mmmmmm......its so yummy!!!! ok.. welll ill get goin. love u all..love u jason....


Public - 2:49 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it

As I rest against this cold hard wall, will you pass me by?
Will you criticize me as I sit and cry?
I had fought so hard and thought that all my battles had been won
Only to find the war had just begun


Chorus:
Is He not strong enough?
Is He not pure enough?
To break me, pour me out and start again?
Is He not brave enough?
To take one chance with me
Please can I have one chance to start again


Will my weakness fall and and now make me suffer for a lifetime?
Is there any way to be made whole again
If I be renewed and find forgiveness by the strength I've never had
Will my scars forever ruin all God's plans?


Chorus:
Is He not strong enough?
Is He not pure enough?
To break me, pour me out and start again?
Is He not brave enough?
To take one chance with me
Please can I have one chance to start again


He took my life into His hands
And turned it all around
In my most desperate circumstance, is where I'm finally found


That You are strong enough
That You are pure enough
To break me, pour me out and start again
That You are brave enough
To take one chance on me,
Oh thank You for my chance to start again


Public - 2:31 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it

Friday, September 30, 2005

you make me warm,
You make me sigh,
When I see you,
In my mind,
Your beautiful hair,
Your Beautiful Eyes,
Make me feel,
Like ill never Die,
When I am sad,
and cant make it through,
I just close my eyes,
and dream of you,
For at that time,
While your on my mind,
all my problems,
Are left behind.
If I had a choose,
I wouldn’t change a thing,
Because your perfect,
Just like a dream,
Id kill for you,
And even die,
To make your life,
Last a longtime,
You were sent from heaven,
I know its true,
Because no one else,
Is as perfect as you.
*************************************************************
ok.. so I dont know what im feeling right now.. i mean.. my best friend and me are drifting apart, but im torn between 2 people I love, and I know when she finds someone again that nothing with be a problem.. I cant help it that I am in love with the greatest person out there for me, I cant help it that I want to spend every minute with him, I cant help it that he's all I think about, but with all of this I still have an empty feeling inside.. and its because I dont know what to do with my life right now... I havent updated in a while, because I dont know what to write about anymore, because everything is the same, everyday is the same, and I dont know what to do.. I have this feeling like someone is pushing down on me and not letting me get up besides when im with jason.... when Im with him everything stops and all my problems seriously go away.. I never thought a person could do that to someone..but he does....


Public - 5:44 PM - 2 eprops - 1 comment - edit it - email it